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Dear college students and others with limited means,

One day you will be perusing food blogs / recipe websites, and you will come across something beautiful that you absolutely must have. Like this:

You will think, Hey, I have all of those ingredients! Except for the onion, but who needs that?… and the white wine vinegar, but I have apple cider vinegar… and the lemon juice, but who needs that either?

And you will decide to make it immediately.

You will gather your materials and ingredients, and realize that you don’t have a grater. That’s okay, you think, I’ll just cut it julienne-style! So you do.

Well, you’ll try.

Then you’ll confidently mix up the dressing, sans lemon juice. So far so good.

You’ll add the rest of your ingredients to the “julienned” sweet potatoes and apples. You’ll promptly realize that they are nowhere near small enough and that this is not even close to the proper consistency for a potato pancake.

So you’ll dump it in the pan without oil and just call it hash.


Then you’ll realize that there was supposed to be an egg component.

So you’ll make some room in the pan, scramble the eggs, and dump them in.

You’ll wonder why it looks like something halfway between hamburger helper and vomit. But you can’t give up now! You’ll add a little more salt and pepper and let it finish cooking.

Alright, you’ll think, a new type of breakfast hash. For dinner. Yeah. It smells pretty good, it can’t be too bad. And it’s healthy!

And you’ll drizzle dressing on it and eat it, and it will be quite edible. Almost tasty. But definitely odd.

And that’s how something that is supposed to look like this…

…will end up looking like this.

After all, we’re only muggles.